A Rough Stretch

 It has been a while.  At one point I thought we were losing Dad. Mom will frequently say that Dad will not be her much longer after a visit. Thise are the bad days, we visit and Dad is non-reactive and sleeps for the entire visit. I went in alone and found him wrapped in a weighted blanket in his bed and his breathing was sporadic and he would pause. I left because I did not want to watch him die. The next day he was wide awake and talkative, my daughter and her husband joined me for a visit and dad offered us drinks and was smiling and laughing.

I guess that is the hardest part of what is going on. You never know what to expect when you go for a visit. I have talked to the staff on the floor and they suggested afternoon visits. Dad struggles sleeping through the night so in the morning he sleeps. It actually was a great suggestion. I am really impressed with the staff at Dad's home.  They are always willing to discuss what is happening and share what is happening with Dad. The staff makes the home! I speak highly of everyone there, every chance I get.

Dad has had to deal with some additional problems He went into the home knowing he had dementia (Alzheimer's) and stomach cancer. The stomach cancer was small and slow growing, so the surgeon involved suggested we do not operate due to dad's age and dementia.  At the time of the diagnosis, Dad was aware enough to realize it was not creating any issues and he agreed to let it grow.  While he was in the home, they discovered a cancerous growth on his kidney. A specialist was consulted and thought it was best if this cancer was left alone. Dad also has made four (maybe more) trips to the hospital because of possible UTI's. After discussion and testing (multiple times) it was determined that he did not have UTI's he was just struggling due to the dementia. I was fortunate to speak to the Emergency Discharge Physician, who discussed end of life planning. She felt this was the route to go rather than have Dad make repeated disruptive trips to the hospital. After he returned to the home, one of the Head Care personnel called and asked if we were ready to discuss Palliative care for Dad. J was really nervous about bringing this issue up as I am sure it is not an easy topic to discuss when you are not sure if the family/caregiver is prepared for this discussion. I let J off the hook quickly. I told her of the discussion with the hospital and J was relieved. We now have a palliative care plan in place.

Dad and almost everyone on his floor were hit with COVID. We did not want to carry COVID to mom's new residence or to our grandchildren, so we stayed away. It was tough but great communication with the staff made it seem easier. I felt I knew what was happening and was able to be comfortable before deciding when we could return to the home. My first day back I made a point of thanking every staff member I saw that day. 

It is sad to see Dad fail so much. I know that he needed to be placed and am happy with the staff in his new 'home'.  More to come!