It Only Gets harder....

 Good morning....

Just came back from helping my parents put up their artificial tree.  That was the easy part -  it seems every time I stop by their home (which seems to be daily) things seem to just slide down a steeper slope. At first it is difficult to see the changes that are taking place, they seem to be so gradual. Eventually you reach a point where the changes seem to slap you in the face to make sure that you realize how bad things are getting. Today was one of those days.

Dad loves to watch sports on TV, baseball in the summer and hockey in the winter. He was able to navigate his television with no problems and would often be able to tell anyone when a game was on... even if I did not think their was a game! Eventually this began to change. Dad could no longer find games on television. He was not sure which channels the games would be on, even which channels would be showing a game. I made them a list of the sports channels theat are available on their TV and mom would just run through those stations. If she could not find a game she would call and ask what was on.... I pray to God there is no black out because they are not sure what that message means...

 At first mom would call and ask where she could find a game for him to watch.  They have a different service provider so I can not just find a game on my TV and tell them the channel. Now I need to locate a game and then find my conversion list and tell them which channel to check. Blackouts still create problems as Dad does not understand why he cannot see a game. 

Today was tough... Dad held up the paper that listed all the sports channels and asked what all the numbers meant. I explained that the three digital numbers were the channels he was to put into the remote and explained how the channels were list (TSN 1-5 and Sportsnet with all their channels listed by region. He listened to what I had to say and then just agreed and looked away blankly....

He then complained about how bad the TV in the living room was. I explained that it was not the TV but it was the remote and all its buttons. When their is any sort of a problem with their TV's he will just start pushing buttons on the remote because that fixes it. Today I had to reset the Aspect Ratio so the picture fit the screen.

I know that this is just one aspect of how much can go wrong and I guess I am lucky that this is my only frustration for the day. The problem is I rely on mom for information and I do not often get a complete story. Today was that Dad seemed lost and confused but mom was not able to tell me how this was present - what he was doing.

Alzheimer's is horrible - it takes away so much and it is so hard to watch. Every time I go over there is something new. Every day I want to cry when I leave but the tears just will not come. I feel so much guilt that I want the phone call to come to place dad in LTC and then find mom a retirement home. I want them both out of their home, something that I know will tilt the slope even more in Dad's decline. I know the system is broken and placement will come in time - just how much damage will be done to our health as we attempt to deal with the issues we face every day. I know there is no answer and no place to turn.

Have a good day....

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