Deep In My Journey

 My Father has Alzheimer's. He was diagnosed Five years ago but as I look back we have seen signs for many years.  I ignored the signs and refused to disrupt  my family's life. It was a huge mistake, I am  paying the price now as we attempt to place Dad and Mom is struggling to deal with him at home.

We were a typical Canadian family. Dad worked as an electrician in a Chemical Mill, Mom as a meat clerk in a grocery store.  I was an only child and sailed through life freely not worrying about much. I got a good education and had an entire career as an educator. I got married to a wonderful supportive woman and have three wonderful children. I am now retired from my career and a full time caregiver for both my parents. 

As I look back there are a number of things I should not have ignored that may have helped in my journey. A few years ago we started to see Dad struggle with driving his car. Dad was involved in an accident 14 years ago and when the police informed my mother her first question was 'Did he cause the accident?'  When mom called me at work to ask for help it was my first question to her. I guess it should have been our wake up moment but we let it go. Eight years ago my son got married and my father drover my mother to Ottawa for the wedding. They stayed in a hotel across from a major shopping centre that the regularly had visited in years past. We had family in Ottawa and Dad knew his way around some parts of the city, including the area that was his destination. The day of the wedding we got a call from mom saying Dad had missed his turn off and they were not sure where they were going. I had to locate them and lead them back to the hotel. After the wedding Dad struggled to get his car out of the gated parking lot - not sure how to activate the gate. We allowed him to continue to drive. We were lucky, we did not face any major incidents because of his poor driving skills.

I finally decided it was time to get  more involved in the situation and see what was truly happening.  I made a call and asked for help. I requested a test to see how my dad was doing.  Our local community health network visited the home and the test was completed. We were told they could not tell dad not to drive but asked him to stop. They informed the doctor  and Dad's license was pulled by the doctor. HE had lost a privilege that he has had for the majority of his life and he was very angry. He still is. IT is his car - he allows mom to drive it. The ownership is still in his name. He wants to drive and until recently has offered to pull it out of the driveway or moves it to wash it. I have had to threaten to contact the police. Mom is not much help. He does not have a key - he has lost his and asks mom for hers. She lets him have them and claims she did not think he would drive the car. This has been one of the many struggles that we have had.

Mom does not understand Alzheimer's and struggles with Dad every day. She does not know why he seems confused and gets frustrated when he does not recognize people he has know all his life.  When the were doing groceries she told us she had to lead him around the store and he could not go to get common items that he regularly enjoys. When I asks why she takes him, she tells me he will not stay home. When she says she is going out to get something he gets changed and goes with her. When a decision is made for their home, mom will ask dad what he thinks (Watch for future Blogs on this topic)

When Dad was first diagnosed, we contacted the Alzheimer's society in our community and attended a meeting with a worker. We did not take advantage of any of the services that were offered. That is on me.IT was another huge mistake. IF you face this diagnosis for any loved in find the supports and lean on them - heavily. It is why they exist. Mom still struggles but she is hearing things from others who are going through the same issues. Her first reaction was 'There are people worse off than we are', but I have been able to tell her that this was where we were heading. She has finally started to open up at meetings but it is a long road. I had mom evaluated last month and we meet with the doctor this week to discuss where she is on the spectrum. She is about to have her license pulled as well. When she drove Dad was in the passenger seat telling her what to do.

This blog is for me. I need this to vent. I am struggling. I am going to write out  the struggles I have faced and maybe vent with what is coming. I hope that someone sees this and gets help before they wait too long like I did. I may even share it with the local Alzheimer's Society to see what they think. 

Time to go, but I will be back. This just might be what I need. I hope it will be good for you - whoever you are too!